The Ten Commandments

Here's another piece I wrote a while back:

Recently my Dad was telling Mom about the 10 commandments of dog ownership that he had read in some sort of doglopedia. He said it really bothered him because if people actually followed this advice, they and their dog would miss out on some of the more rewarding aspects of human/canine relationships. Well, seeing as how I'm already shedding, I thought I could shed some light on this subject before he sits down to write and gives you his long-winded version. I am, after all, a dog and know whereof I speak.


I won't quote, word-for-word, the 10 commandments. You can look them up for yourself if you wish (they appear in Planet Dog as well as other publications). The basic premise is that you, as a human, must establish yourself as the one in charge, the Alpha, in a manner consistent with the social order that exists among canids in the wild in order for the relationship to enjoy any success. The 10 commandments consist of do's and don'ts (mostly don'ts) such as: Don't share your food with the dog (the Alpha's food is his and his alone). Don't share your bed with the dog (the Alpha's den is his and his alone). Don't allow your dog to initiate play lest he think he is in charge. Better to take the proffered toy or ball without comment and then later, of your own volition, initiate some sort of game as if it were your idea (Oh please! Do you really think I'm that dumb?). Don't step over or walk around your dog. Make him move. You're the Alpha after all. Okay, I can see why Dad's a bit peeved about this stuff. First of all, it makes the assumption that I am incapable of differentiating between canid relationships and human relationships. Essentially, the message is that, in order for our relationship to work, you have to be the lead wolf or I won't respect you and will walk all over you. I may possibly even attack you.


Before I launch into my rebuttal, I must say that this information is in no way erroneous if all you're looking for is a successful working relationship with a dog (guarding, herding, tracking etc.) or a relationship that is successful due to lack of conflict and strife but is also equally devoid of the exquisite bonding that is there for the asking. Follow these 10 commandments and it is a good bet that your dog would not try to take advantage of you or challenge your authority. Follow these 10 commandments and it's guaranteed that you'll miss out on the most wonderful bond that is achievable between you and your pet. Think about it. If all I needed was a big, in-charge dog, couldn't I just get that from another dog? What makes my life special is living in and being part of a human's world and a human being a part of mine.


I pretty much love everybody, but I love my Dad more than anything in the world. I also respect his authority. He's large and in charge but he's also a human. He's not another dog and he's not a human trying to act like another dog. He is the senior partner in our dog/human relationship in much the same way you are the authority figure in the relationship with your child. My Dad doesn't do a lot of behavior modification to maintain this role in my life. I do remember a time when I was in my doggy teens that Dad took some time to do some formal limit setting with me (I can be rather strong-willed and pushy with my underlings sometimes) but mostly it just comes from the heart. I obey him primarily out of love and respect rather than training and correction. Our relationship is one of give and take, not command and obey. If your son or daughter came running up to you with a toy or game, would you just take it from them without comment only to offer it later as if it were your idea? Would you make them move every time they were where you wanted to be? Would you deny them a handful of your popcorn or a sip of your sweet tea? Do they disrespect you when you honor their requests for playtime or to share your snack? Do they stop loving you when you don't bully them out of your way?


One of my favorite things in this world is, at the end of the day, falling out with my Dad (and a dozen or so doggy friends) on the bed to watch some TV and maybe have some popcorn or crackers (Cheeze-its, I love Cheeze-its). Does this mean that I'm challenging his authority? I know that I'm there cause Dad loves me and wants to spend time with me not because I'm taking over his den. I also love to go for rides and, every time we get near the car, I'll ask him if we can go. Now, a lot of times he tells me no or that I'll have to wait some but what he doesn't do is just ignore me. We have kind of the same understanding about walks. Even though I'm pretty much always with him when he's not working at the mill, I'd rather be with him walking in the woods and will ask to do so any time we get within sight of the trail. I'm pretty sure he'll usually tell me I have to wait some but I'm also sure that he knows I'm wanting to go and will take me when he gets a chance but the point is that he recognizes that I'm asking and gives me an answer even if it's not the one I'm looking for. We have different standards for different situations. I know that when we're working I have to kind of stay close by if I want to be a part of what he's doing. I can't just go stirring up all of the dogs in the shelter. I'd really like to do that but I'd rather be with him. I always hear people who come to the shelter tell him what a good girl I am and how they wish their dog would just hang out with them like that. Dad never trained me to be this way. I hang out with him because I want to be with him and respect his rules because I want him to want me to be with him. Now when we're out in the woods or at the beach, the situation is different and I have a lot more say in things. In any given situation, I've got a pretty good idea how far Dad's willing to let me range ahead. If I'm in doubt, I'll ask him (all it takes is a look). When we come to a trail juncture, again, I'll ask which way we're going. Sometimes he'll just point or sometimes he'll let me choose. There's a lot of give and take in all of this and yes, sometimes I'll try to take advantage of the situation ( much like the give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile rule that human children subscribe to) but our communication also provides me with an idea as to what is negotiable and what is not. I know that when I hear that drawn out Cocopuff, nooooooooo , it means that I need to pay attention and not question what I'm being told. I really don't mind this as much as you'd think. The human world is much more complicated than that of a dog and I trust him to keep me safe in it. I know he loves me and wouldn't let me come to harm. Absolutely none of this is based on his being another dog in my eyes. I'm much brighter than that. Absolutely all of this is based on common sense, love, mutual respect and an awareness of the differences in communication that necessarily exist in dog/human relationships. It doesn't hurt to understand how dogs and other canids think and live in their own worlds but you don't have to be one to be a part of mine.


Before I'm accused of being as long-winded as my Dad, I'll wrap this up by saying that not all advice, even that coming from an authoritative source, is necessarily good advice and good advice is not necessarily great advice. If all you want from your dog is just someone to lie under the porch and not abuse or embarrass you, I guess there's no harm in that but you are both missing out on something quite special and rewarding. My Dad occupies a place in my life that no other dog could possible fill and I could not possibly be replaced by any human in his. I'd love to see every dog have this special relationship. I think it is a lot more in keeping with the original symbiosis that man and dog have developed over the last several thousand years and is still achievable even in today's urbanized, mechanized technology-driven society. If you feel that you could be getting more out of your relationship with your dog or just wonder what the heck I'm talking about here, I'd love to hear from you.